Parents demand that their 19-year-old daughter rearrange her work schedule to drive her 14-year-old brother to his soccer practice, she refuses, and they accuse her of not wanting to 'help the family'

Author image for Giuliana Tiscioni
Giuliana Tiscioni • Writer
Oct 25, 2026 11:15 AM EDT

Should older kids take responsibility for their younger siblings on a regular basis? 

The short answer is: No. Can older kids help around the house and with their siblings? Yes, as long as it's controlled and they still have time for their own homework, chores, and time to just be children. When they are teenagers or older, they also have other responsibilities to attend to, so the amount of help they can provide usually declines. But some parents seem to forget that the responsibility to take care of the children is theirs, not their older kids, and end up putting too much pressure on them ot be substitute parents. 

When I was a teenager, I had a friend whose mom got remarried and had kids with her new husband. My friend was about fourteen when the first kid was born, and then they had two more, the three of them in less than 4 years. The mom was way in over her head, and she had her eldest daughter help out. She loved her new siblings, of course, and she was almost old enough to be their mom herself, but key part: she was not. She took care of feeding them, changing diapers, bathing them, putting them to sleep, and generally, making sure they were happy and healthy. Now, babies are really time-consuming, so she really didn't have much time for anything else, sometimes not even time for schoolwork, much less for normal teenage stuff. 

Back then, it wasn't my place to complain or say anything about their family situation, but the fact that she seemed to be the mom of her siblings always rubbed me the wrong way, especially because I know for a fact that if my own mom had had a new baby when I was a teen, she would have never made me take care of them. 

In this case, it wasn't an older sibling taking care of a new baby; it was two almost-grown-up kids, but the parents were still expecting the older girl to take care of her brother. 

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  • AITA for refusing to drive my little brother to practice after they moved it to my work days?

    I'm 19 and still live at home with my parents and my 14-year-old brother. I have my own car and work four evenings a week at a coffee shop, usually until 10. Back
    via u/lazybutsweetxx
  • Cheezburger Image 10672669440
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The girl working at the coffee shop.

    Model portrayal.

  • when his soccer practices were on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I offered to drive him those days because I was off and it lined up. Nobody asked me to. I just said I could do it.
    via u/lazybutsweetxx
  • Last week the coach moved practice to Wednesdays and Fridays. My parents told me about it after the fact and said I should
    via u/lazybutsweetxx
  • Cheezburger Image 10672669696
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The brother's soccer practice. 

    Stock photography for depiction only.

  • just keep driving him. I said those are my work days now and I need the car to get to my shift. They said I'm basically free in the evenings
    via u/lazybutsweetxx
  • anyway and that it's not a big deal. I told them I'm not free, I have a job, and I can't just switch my days around because the schedule changed.
    via u/lazybutsweetxx
  • My mom said I'm being selfish and that I used to be happy to help. My dad said if I'm living here I should still contribute, and driving him is the least I can do. I pointed out that
    via u/lazybutsweetxx
  • I offered when I actually had the time, and that nobody cleared the new days with me. They acted like I was backing out of something we all agreed on.
    via u/lazybutsweetxx
  • I'm still driving him the old days when I can, but I'm not rearranging my work schedule or giving up my car on nights I have a shift. They're
    via u/lazybutsweetxx
  • Cheezburger Image 10672670208
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Girl driving a car. 

    Representative only.

  • still bringing it up and saying I don't want to help the family anymore. AITA for saying no to the new days?
    via u/lazybutsweetxx

  • The most ridiculous part about this story is that parents are getting mad at their daughter for prioritizing her work and not being a substitute mom. Most parents would be proud to have a child owning a car and having a stable job at 19, and they are telling her to skip work or rearrange it to be her brother's chauffeur. I'm sorry to break it to these parents, but your 14-year-old's soccer practice does not, by no means, beat your 19-year-old's work schedule. Besides, the kid is old enough; isn't it possible for him to take the bus? Can't they drive him? Can't he take an Uber or something? There are hundreds of other solutions they could think of, and none of them involve their daughter becoming her brother's personal guardian, much less missing work shifts. Heck, if they could pay her the equivalent salary she would be missing for driving her brother around, that's something else. But telling her she doen't want ot help the family? That's plain manipulation. I bet that, if she left work to do that, they would be complaining in no time about how she keeps asking them for money to pay for her car and other stuff. 

    There's no pleasing parents like them. I think that all she can do is keep her ground and make sure her parents understand that she's not responsible for her brother; they are

  • dogswelcomenopeople In short, no. You're driving him when you can. He's their kid, not yours. NTA
    via dogswelcomenopeople
  • Infin8lyBlu NTA. Period. You volunteered to help when you could and still do when you can.
    via Infin8lyBlu
  • Useless890 NTA. Most parents would be glad their kid had a job.
    via Useless890
  • ArrivalFantastic4324 So your parents just expect you to give up your job so you can drive your brother to practice? That's totally unreasonable. Plus, you are not the parent, they are! Help out when you can, that's it.
    via ArrivalFantastic4324
  • MaryHadALittleLamb20 They are just trying to wear you down. Stop engaging in a discussion about it.
    via MaryHadALittleLamb20
  • Green-Dragon-14 You can't be in two places at once. Are they going to pay you for the lost shifts?
    via Green-Dragon-14
  • Plastic-Cabinet67 So, give up your paying job to drive him? Thats just nutz.
    via Plastic-Cabinet67
  • ItsNotPatchy Most definitely NTA. Why are your parents incapable of taking him or finding a carpool? Tell them to pay you for the wages lost.
    via ItsNotPatchy

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family drama house mother siblings reddit story parenting family daughter Reddit son parents
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